To Do List: for tomorrow

1. Reschedule Lamaze classes that I will not be able to attend.


2. Contact a pediatrician or two.


3. Tell the fine people at Sallie Mae to politely go piss up a rope for another six months while I don't pay them any money.


4. Buy ant traps. Those fuckers are EVERYWHERE.


5. Determine a fair market value for a human kidney with only minor kidney stone damage.


6. Gaze ruefully at the kitchen sink that refuses to drain faster than a molasses jar in January.


7. Masturbate. (like I'd forget)

That's a full day for any night-working, doctorless, broke, insectocidal, did I mention broke?, semi-retarded, chronic masturbator if ever I saw one.